I just finished this fantastic book called The Year of Living Biblically. The author, A.J. Jacobs, goes on an absurd quest to follow the Bible literally for an entire year. So it makes me wonder if I, a devout country music fan, could ever take the lyrics literally for a year. With 2008 about to begin, this may be the best time to start. While Jacobs attempts, with non-stop hilarity, to do things like play a ten-string harp, stone Sabbath violators, avoid impure women and stop reading the Amazon.com reviews about his first book, the laws set forth by Nashville would be much easier to obey. How hard could it be to live by the gospel according to, say, Brad Paisley? That’s much more palatable than doing things because the Old Testament told you so.
Since I don’t have a book deal, my experiment needn’t be so controlled. Yes, I’d drink sweet tea like Billy Currington, but I wouldn’t sell turnip greens. Following Paisley’s advice, I’d have to trade in my minivan for a pick-up truck, then get a little mud on the tires. I would do so in the official uniform of country music: bikini top, miniskirt and cowboy boots. (I’d draw the line at those Trace Adkins-inspired badonkadonk short-shorts.) Then, taking a cue from Alan Jackson’s “Everything I Love,” I’d drink more Jack Daniels. This would make it easier to cheat on my husband, which I’d do by following the lyrics of Miranda Lambert’s “Guilty in Here.” If he cheated on me, however, and gave me that Collin Raye song-and-dance about “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it,” I’d get to see how Carrie Underwood felt, by taking a Louisville Slugger to some little homewrecker’s SUV. Should my marriage survive all that carousing, and boys start coming around to date my daughters, I’d either remind my husband that he himself was just a hayseed plowboy (as Trisha Yearwood sang) or tell the young man (as Rodney Atkins does) that we’d be at home, cleaning our gun.
I know there are different levels of interpretation of country music, much like the Bible. Not everything’s meant to be taken literally. But when you explore the relevance of the lyrics, it’s hard to argue with hunting, fishing, frying chickens and putting an extra five in the plate at church. Who’s with me?