Take This Job and Stick It
Brett McVicker is a writer for CMT's Country Fried Home Videos show.
There are certain things that I'd just assume a normal adult male should be able to do. Like: throw a spiral, pick up a spare, light a charcoal grill, fix a toilet, change a tire, bait a hook, shoot a gun, do a doughnut, light a fart, spit a watermelon seed over ten yards, pitch a tent, shotgun a beer, and drive a stick shift. But that last one seems to be a bit of a problem for some people. Of the last five assistants here at the Country Fried Offices, guess how many have been able to drive stick shift? None of ‘em. You heard me. It could just be my rural upbringing, but that's darn near unfathomable to me.
Maybe I'm being too hard on them. Truth be told, we ask them to do a lot. It ain't an easy job. So I made this list of important skills for the next time we're in the market for a new member of Team Country Fried. These are just some of the things that might come up.
You must be able to:
• Eat 20 candied orange slices in under ten minutes, then throw up.
• Keep a straight face while placing a phone order for prank monograms from a fancy store.
• Fall asleep while talking on the cell phone.
• Show up late to pick up your boss.
• Forget to pick up the mail every other day.
• Complain about the heat whenever you are asked to step outside.
• Take two-hour lunches.
• Spend half a day looking for a simple plastic bucket and return without one.
• Oversleep.
• Mess up lunch orders.
• Avoid getting work done at all costs.
Yep, it's a tough gig. No wonder it's hard to find the perfect candidate. Nothing but the best and brightest around here.
©2008 Country Music Television, Inc., a Viacom company. A division of
Vicki says:
Non can stick shift? I guess they didn’t grow up on the farm…wusses
tammy says:
PICK ME!!!LOL
kayefun says:
LOL Brett and that’s why it is good to be you:)
J.R. Journey says:
To the Country Fried Team: I can perform all the tasks you mentioned and I can also drive a stick, a John Deere, and an International Harvester. And I am available to start Monday. No, better make that Tuesday. Tuesday at noon.
brian says:
according to your show you will not pay for stunts filmed on purpose but you gat the award to the idiot that smashed his testicles on purpose. the video of the breakdancer kicking the little girl is horrific and not funny or family entertainment. in fact she looked severely hurt being kicked across the floor. i know it does not mean anything to you but we have banned you show at our house. it used to be funny. an injured child is not not NOT FUNNY……….
Brett says:
All right, Tammy and J.R. If you’re interested, you might have to go through the interview process. Just so you know… an interview around here usually involves mud wrestling. We’ll let you know when we get our mud pit back up and running and we’ll schedule a match.
“ccbig” says:
WELL I GUES SINCE I AM A FARMER I CAN DRIVE STICK BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OVER SLEEPING I HAVE TO MILK COWS THEY DONT MILK THEM SELFS. I HAVE TO GET WORK DONE NO MATTER WHAT COMES UP. IF I HAD THE TIME TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING FOR HALF A DAY I WOULDINT BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO DO IT SO I WOULDINT DO IT. I CAN MESS UP LUNCH ORDERS WAIT THATS WHEN I AM SUPOSE TO EAT LUNCH I DONT HAVE TIME. CANT TAKE A LUCH BREAK AS YOU CAN TELL. I WISH I COULD HAVE TIME TO ENJOY THE HEAT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THE WHOLE DAY FLYES BYE. I CAN FORGET TO COLLECT THE MAIL I ONLY COLLECT IT BEFORE I MILK COWS ABOUT EVERY THREE DAYS JUST IN TIME TO HAVE MORE DROPPED OFF. I DONT LIKE CANDY. I AM THE BOSS SO I CANT PICK MYSELF UP BUT I CAN FALL ASLEEP TRYING TO GET MY CELL PHONE TO WORK. SO I GUESS SINCE I AM A HARD WORKER I AM OVER QUALIFIED TO DO THIS JOB WELL TIME TO GO MILK COWS ITS A 24 HR OPPERATION AROUND THESE HEAR PARTS SO TALK TO YALL LATER.